You Can’t See Through Smudgy Glasses

Photo Dec 16, 10 35 10 PM

Why don’t people say what they mean?? Especially in those times where it’s necessary to be transparent because it’s going to come back and bite us in our asses.

A man says “I’m not looking for a relationship, but if the right one comes along I may be open to it.” and a woman who was just  browsing the Jared’s website and sending links to her fellow single ladies will reply “Oh me either! I just want to date and go with the flow.” <– Why do we tell these lies out loud??

OR

A woman will say “I’ve been in a few situations where we weren’t on the same page and he wasn’t ready for a commitment and I was. I’m dating in hopes of being in a relationship at some point” (wait are we ever that straightforward? Yes, sometimes) and the man she’s speaking to will say “I think I’m ready to settle down. I’m at that age where I’m done with the games and I could be ready for something serious”. Despite all of the passive wording in his response he is convincing and she will let ALL of her guards down and let him in(to her heart her home and her vagina)! Immediately.

So what happens three or four months down line when he’s suddenly withdrawing from this woman who has prepared herself fully for “more” with this man who never really wanted to be in a relationship, not even just with her, but at all?? Neither of them were really honest about their intentions or expectations. She can’t understand why he’s no longer calling and texting like he used to. He’s not inviting her over anymore, they don’t go on dates now and she’s wondering why he hasn’t asked her about Valentine’s Day plans yet. It’s probably because she’s not, nor will she ever be his girlfriend, his wife or his Valentine.

(Here’s where I lost the rest of my post! But uhh… I tried to recreate the gist of it. Kinda failed, but I didn’t want to waste the 2 hours I spent writing this post -_- )

Just because you’re talking, spending time together regularly, checking in, having sex, and doing things that people who care about each other do doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship. All of those ingredients aren’t necessarily the full recipe for a relationship. I’ll say again that I’m no relationship expert. In fact I know very little about what it takes to be in a healthy relationship. A person can know all of the right things to put into a cake but if they don’t know how to mix it or how long to bake it then all you have is a bowl of eggs, flour and sugar and you can’t call that a cake, right??

It’s important to be clear in our intentions and expectations of one another to avoid these pseudo relationship situations. The world is a lot clearer when you wipe the finger smudges off your glasses! Why do we talk in codes and riddles, lying to ourselves and others in hopes that we say the right thing to make the other person like us?? Humans are tricky!

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2 Comments

  1. transparency is never displayed in people the way it is defined by webster’s; therefore, to safeguard (y)our heart(s)… believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. people’s intentions are presented more in actions than their words anyways.
    #mytwocents

  2. I like this, French… People should say what they mean and mean what they say. And if someone changes his/her mind along the way, be respectful enough to communicate that. And said person who changes his/her mind shouldn’t (in my opinion) get mad at the receiver (of information). This person has a right to react and respond to the inconsistency. My two cents 😉


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