I’m Grateful

I don’t usually write Facebook Notes. I started to tell this story on Twitter and realized that my 140 character tweets were making me cut things out of my story… So here Goes

My birthday is Saturday. I’m turning 26. I don’t think I’ve ever dreaded another birthday as much as I’m afraid of this one, for so many reasons. I even found my first gray hair … but that’s not the point of this note.

Today was an unusually active day for me. Most days I sit in my office in the museum with very little interaction. But today I got to see so many people I actually know because of the convocation being held in the Fine Arts Building I work in. Several friends and new acquaintances were in attendance! Afterwards we had a pleasant group lunch. Really a treat for me since I rarely leave the building for lunch or anything else! I was feeling so good that even my work study students said “Tiffany, you’re glowing! And you’re smiling!” LoL

When I got back from lunch I got another visit from someone. It was really quick just 5 minutes. But until just now I didn’t even realize how much it impacted my day.

I was still feeling pretty good when I left work, I had an appointment to get my hair done then I was supposed to hang out with my friend at the mall. The girl who does my hair is really nice and I just made my appointment yesterday and she said she would fit me in as her first customer when she got there. But today, for reasons beyond her control she was over an hour late. Then it took a lot longer than she predicted for my hair to be done… so needless to say I missed my friend. Well I saw him but we didn’t get to hang out or talk really because he was rushing to get home and I was in sort of a pissy mood since my hair cost a lot more than I expected it to.

I called my mom in tears of frustration because I feel like at my age $100 shouldn’t have the power to completely throw off my spending for the month. But some months it does, and I hate that. She pretty much yelled at me.

Me: I just hate that I can’t afford to do anything and I still have no idea what I really want to be doing. I can’t get another degree without another job and I can’t get another job without another degree!

Mom: Well you have to figure it out! Don’t let schooling stop you. It’s not the amount of schooling you have that determines how successful you are. You have to make a way for yourself and figure out how YOU are going to do it. There are plenty of people with less schooling than you who are making it! I have half the schooling you do but I figured out what was going to make me money and I did it!

(Have I told you all that my mother is my hero?? She is. I admire her so much. I tear up just thinking about her sometimes.)

What she said started to put things into perspective for me. I still got on Twitter though and started my rant about my horrible messed up evening, then moved on to complaining about my new next door neighbors who will probably just become an additional nuisance to my silently declared Cold War with “The Upstairs Neighbors”. (If you follow my personal account on Twitter you already know!)

I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and a patient with twisted legs reminded me of my last visitor in the museum today… And suddenly it was clear how RIDICULOUS I was being for complaining about a late stylist who wasn’t late on purpose, a wet sweater and not getting to hang out with a friend I can see next week… Here’s why:

The guy who delivers mail to the museum used to always come in angry about the way people treated him at work. I never really was too interested in what he was saying, but he usually ended it with “I’m too blessed”, “Thank God” or something about church. It was so odd to me because his stories were sooo “woe is me” or just apparent that he was living a hard life. But he seemed really involved with his church and would offer to pray for us even though he was the one talking about his issues. We just kind of smiled, and said “It’ll get better” kind of things.

I noticed he didn’t come back after winter break. We got a new mailman but he didn’t seem to know what happened to our other mailman.

Today our old mailman was my final visitor at the museum. He knocked on the door to the back area of the museum where my office is located. The light in there is operated by a sensor and he hadn’t walked in far enough to turn it on. So I knew who it was, but I can’t see him completely in the doorway. I started walking towards him from my office to say hello since I hadn’t seen him in so long. I got closer and my motion turned on the sensor and I saw that he was on crutches.

I asked him “Are you okay?! What happened??”
He responds simply with “I had my foot cut off”

Usually I wouldn’t ask anymore questions in fear that I’d offend him, but I couldn’t help it. I asked he if he was sick. He said no, that he’d gotten an infection in his foot that started to spread through his leg. But he’s telling me that and he still had a smile on his face. I said “Wow, but you’re still smiling” he said “yeah I’m blessed!”

Imagine how much your life can change without your consent! This man lost his foot because he hit it on something and it became infected. He was fine and working up until the last day before winter break, making his living WALKING and driving to places to deliver mail. And in an instant that he probably didn’t even realize he can’t do it anymore. But he can still smile and know he’s blessed and be thankful for something. And he even made the effort with the snow and the ice still on the ground, while on crutches, not even 3 months after losing a great portion of his leg to come and visit ME, someone who doesn’t even know his name and never really took the time to get to know him, other than to just listen to him in passing. How awesome that is.

I’m sitting here complaining about these things that I CAN control and make better. I should be celebrating the end and beginning of another year of my life. I don’t even know this man’s name, I feel awful about it. But really, I wish he could know how much his visit affected me today. I’m tearing up as I type this because I feel so bad for how selfishly and entitled I’ve been thinking about things today… not even just today.

So, I’m a day late but for lent I’m sacrificing my “glass is half empty” way of living and thinking. And I’m going to strive for a better me. Not in the cliche’ way, but in actual actions! Prayer, fasting, meaningful planning and just plain being positive and aware of what I do have and not focus on what I do not have (yet)!

I know this note was long, but it was in my heart and I needed to relay it. I wish I had thought to make this a video… I hope my sincerity was apparent in my written words. Thanks for reading.

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Betcha Can’t Find It!

It's Just Like Hide & Seek

Thanks to Google’s new invention Google Wave, I have yet another way to waste time at work. I rarely wave one on one. I’m into group chats! <– Sounds kinky when I say it like that, right? Anyway my friends don’t believe in censoring themselves so these wave conversations GO IN! We talk about everything. A couple of times the female orgasm has become a serious topic.

From talking to these guys I’ve come to learn how little men really know (or care) about how to get a woman to “that place”.  Seriously, the things my male friends have said about their intimate “secrets” have my female friends and I calling “BULL SHIT!”… I think women are faking it for these men way too often and they’re starting to get big heads (not in a good way either). I think women, all women should never fake it again. Maybe this dose of reality will have them trying harder to satisfy us.

One friend bragged about “stabbing her cervix” . . . Sir that hurts! That’s pain not pleasure! Another even referred to a clitoris as that thing he’s never been able to find. Ladies, we’re in TROUBLE!!! If you can’t even find her clitoris, how are going to find her sweet spot?? Please don’t let me start on the Cold Tongue Equals Orgasm theory. You wouldn’t believe it if I tried to explain it. I don’t even believe it.

I think most men are just sticking it in and hoping for the best—for themselves.  I’m over it.