Come to Bed… (NSFW??)

She laid in bed still awake but with her eyes closed. She dreamed of clouds and sailboats– warmer weather & outdoor activities. She’d never done it on a boat before and decided in that moment to put it on her list of things to do with him this summer. She wondered if he was coming to bed anytime soon. She had been waiting for him to join her, with the expectation of cumming before drifting off into a satisfied sleep. She couldn’t hear him on the phone across the room anymore, so he must have gone to another room to avoid disturbing her.

Pulling the covers off of her body she sat up and called out to him. Wearing only a pair of black lace Brazilian cut panties she rose from the warm spot she’d made for herself on the mattress and stood to her feet. “where is he?” she mumbled to herself.

When she entered the dimly lit living room she found him sitting on the couch. In the quiet, she could hear his even, heavy breathing. Standing closer and looking at him, she thought to herself  “mmm he’s sexy even in his sleep”.

She walked over and kneeled in front of him, resting on her shins. Her small frame fit perfectly between his parted knees. She traced her fingers across the span of his chest and down his stomach. Her mind quickly traveled back to the night before, and she felt a pulse where her thighs met.

He didn’t budge.He hadn’t undressed since coming home that evening. He worked hard and she knew he was exhausted from all of the extra hours he’d been putting in. It wasn’t surprising that he’d fallen asleep on the couch where he’d settled, making late  calls to tie up some loose ends.

She began to undress him. Button  by button, she went down the row of his striped blue shirt until it was completely undone. She feathered kisses on the curly hair on his now exposed chest. He shifted slightly as she loosened his belt and unzipped his gray suit pants.

Tugging gently on his slacks, he began to stir. Maybe he wasn’t as fast asleep as she thought. She slipped a finger under the band at the top of his boxers feeling the bare skin of his stomach there. Pushing her hand under the zipper of his  pants, she just wanted to feel it in her hand. Soft, smooth and warm.


As she gently toyed with him through his underwear she could feel him responding, growing firm. She recognized the small throbbing between her legs and couldn’t resist freeing that part of him that she loved to play with from the confines of his underwear. At first she just wanted to look at it. He looked so peaceful she felt kind of bad for disturbing his rest.

She held it in her fist and couldn’t stop herself from giving it a kiss. Many times before they’d started heavy sessions of lovemaking from his request of “baby just give it a kiss for me…” She never could resist. Then she traced the head of it with the tip of her tongue. Wetting and kissing it again before taking it completely into her mouth. As she did this she could hear him inhale sharply.

“Sorry to wake you…”

She said this but did not stop. She worked him in her mouth using her hand alternating between his shaft and massaging his balls. Moving her tongue in circular motions as she moved her mouth up and down on him, she slipped her free hand into her panties rubbing her middle finger through the moisture against her clit.

He was wide awake now, running his fist through her hair as she worked them both. “fuck, baby you know how to wake a man up!”

He pushed his pants the rest of the way down his legs and kicked them aside. Still on her knees with his dick in her mouth and right hand on his balls, she cupped her breasts with her free hand. He tried to reach her pussy with his fingers but the position was awkward. He leaned forward grabbed her by her waist making them switch positions.

Now she kneeled on the couch facing the wall and he positioned his face between her legs. A loud moan escaped her lips as she shut her eyes and gave into the sensation of his warm rough tongue lapping at the pink center of her pussy. He knew her body in and out. Knew just what to do to make her purr. He used two fingers to assist his tongue, moving in and out of her as she pressed her cheek against the wall.

“you’re gonna make me come!”

“not yet. I want you to come all over this dick.” Without missing a beat he rose to his feet, and plunged into her, making her arch further over the back of the sofa.

Steady in and out, he leaned into her and used one hand to tease her left nipple, while his right gripped her waist, keeping time.

The room filled with their heavy breathing and moans of pleasure. She reached on hand between her legs to find his balls and give them a gentle squeeze as they slapped against her mound with his down stroke.

“yeah, like that! Don’t stop”

She could feel him getting close to his climax, so she flexed & tightened her walls around him with every other stroke. He liked that about her. She had so much control over her pussy, it got him there every time. Fucking never got old for them. They always found a new way to keep the excitement. Her mind briefly returned to her dream from earlier.

In the past, when asked by men where her “spot” was, she always responded with what she thought was an honest “I don’t have one.” But he never asked her. He’d just explored her body until he discovered place that lead her to paradise. And now she felt his lips on her body, in that spot, tracing light kisses up and along her side. She cried out as he worked her body as only he knew how…

“baby I’m coming… now, ohh”

He moved quicker in and out of her entry as it contracted and became even wetter around him. He wanted to get there with her. Driven by her sounds of ecstasy with one last thrust she felt him expel his release inside of her.

“Honey, now get off of the couch and come to bed”



Would You Be Offended If . . .

. . . I posted my first shot at writing erotica on the blog??

I took a stab at writing something sexy after drinking a little too much wine the other night. . . Wanna read it?? LoL

Golden Tickets for Everybody!!

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been fooled by a Golden Ticket.

I’m talking about Magnum Condoms. Sometimes they just aren’t necessary! There’s no impatient drug store clerk yelling over the intercom for a price check on your regular sized condoms. That’s just for tv.

Remember in the book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (by Roald Dahl… or the adapted movie “Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory”) EVERYONE wanted a golden ticket so they could get into the Factory and witness all of it’s treasures? People were even forging their own Golden Tickets just to get inside. That millionaire from Paraguay had everyone fooled for a little bit. People thought he found the last golden ticket and turns out he was a fraud!

I get upset when my hopes are baited by the golden wrapper and when it’s put in place it doesn’t even fit! WTF, who wants to have a sex with a baggy condom?? Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t that defeat the purpose? You’re not protecting anyone against pregnancy or diseases if you can’t even keep it on.

If a man wears Magnums solely because of the name and not because he needs them does he not realize that it looks foolish?? Dude, your penis looks WAY smaller in a baggy Magnum than it would in a regular sized condom. A loosely fitting condom gets all slippery (and not in a good way!) and needs to constantly be adjusted. Definitely a mood destructor. I think that would be way more embarrassing and annoying than any intercom price check announcement. Do condoms even come in “size small??” LoL

Anyway, I was on Twitter today and someone tweeted that Ludacris is the new face for Magnum’s most recent campaign. Why not? If he’s Black and he’s a rapper then of course he has a giant penis to go along with his larger than life personality! Right? I won’t even delve into the obvious stereotype that could be implied here. (smh)

…I wonder if the people over at Trojan noticed Ludacris is only like 5’2″. I’ve always heard big things come in little packages! Maybe Ludacris whipped out his wang auditioned for this role.

Apparently Magnum is the most popular condom among African Americans. Not sure where Trojan got their stats from but, whatever. I’m sure Black men and women feed into the bull and buy them just for the “status”. Adding a rapper into the mix just makes sense (straight face). Personally I would’ve gone with someone like Flo Rida or David Banner… Now they look like they could fit a Magnum! 😉

Check out the NYT article for yourself here.

Betcha Can’t Find It!

It's Just Like Hide & Seek

Thanks to Google’s new invention Google Wave, I have yet another way to waste time at work. I rarely wave one on one. I’m into group chats! <– Sounds kinky when I say it like that, right? Anyway my friends don’t believe in censoring themselves so these wave conversations GO IN! We talk about everything. A couple of times the female orgasm has become a serious topic.

From talking to these guys I’ve come to learn how little men really know (or care) about how to get a woman to “that place”.  Seriously, the things my male friends have said about their intimate “secrets” have my female friends and I calling “BULL SHIT!”… I think women are faking it for these men way too often and they’re starting to get big heads (not in a good way either). I think women, all women should never fake it again. Maybe this dose of reality will have them trying harder to satisfy us.

One friend bragged about “stabbing her cervix” . . . Sir that hurts! That’s pain not pleasure! Another even referred to a clitoris as that thing he’s never been able to find. Ladies, we’re in TROUBLE!!! If you can’t even find her clitoris, how are going to find her sweet spot?? Please don’t let me start on the Cold Tongue Equals Orgasm theory. You wouldn’t believe it if I tried to explain it. I don’t even believe it.

I think most men are just sticking it in and hoping for the best—for themselves.  I’m over it.

Look What I Can Do!

Puppy Love! lmao

Who doesn’t remember their first time? (well some of you don’t, but. . . yikes!)

You already know I’ve been reminiscing more than ever so far in 2010. Recently I was talking with my “First” on facebook. Conversations with him always bring about a feeling of nostalgia. I’m transported back to high school, when I was the good girl who was shy around the boys I liked. This dude was more than the guy who broke me into my womanhood, he was really my first love. I would’ve done anything for him back then. And I knew he sincerely loved me too. He used to walk me home after school even though I lived nowhere near him. He went at least an hour out of his way to do it. He bought me gifts, even if it was just a candy bar or a lollipop. He always had candy. I actually still have a ring he bought me with a pink heart shaped stone set in it. It came in a red heart shaped box. Of course as young people do, we used to break up every other week and get back together. I think it was mostly my fault though. When I was 14 , 15 & 16 I wasn’t fully capable of telling him how I felt all of the time. He used to try hard but I was quiet, and barely able to look him in the eye when we were around each other sometimes. I’d shut up completely when other people were around too. I eventually grew out of it with him, but clearly I’ve always been bad with interacting with men.

Not to say that he didn’t have any faults. He kissed other girls while we were supposed to be together. He broke up with me and started dating this girl my friends and I used to call “the yo-yo”, who was supposed to be his “female best friend” (b.s.). She was pretty but had the biggest set of teeth I’ve ever seen! And she had the nerve to be the type of girl who laughs out loud with her head thrown back and mouth wide open… smh. I digress. Our troubles were a little bit of both of us.

Despite the shortcomings in our relationship, the summer after he graduated when I was 15, he convinced me it was something that needed to happen and he charmed his way into my undies. We weren’t officially together or dating anymore but we still hung out and talked consistently. This day picked me up in his grandparents E320 Mercedes (my favorite car back then because it had circle lights… it’s the little things that attract me to everything lol). I wore my shortest pair of short shorts. Funny that I can remember my legs sticking to the leather seats, but I can’t remember if we planned to “do it” that day or if I just had a feeling it was going to happen. Anyway, I was prepared… if anyone can really ever be prepared for their first time.

I’ll spare you guys the details, but I will say I was scared. I definitely think it could be closest I’ve come to an out of body experience. I watched an entire program on Animal Planet (or maybe it was the Discovery channel) about Hippos giving birth. How ironic, I know. The sight of that should have completely threatened me out of the act I was trying to accomplish at the moment! I was determined to permanently misplace my V-Card.

I don’t know about you all, but my first time on that bike was definitely a disaster. It wasn’t the beautiful fairy tale that I imagined it would be. I did feel special because I loved him, but thinking back it’s up there with the worst sex I’ve ever had. LoL, but definitely the most meaningful.

After talking to him casually on Facebook I got on Twitter! I received sooo many responses to this tweet :

You ever wanna go back & have sex with your “first”,  just to say hey “these are all the things I’ve learned since my first lesson” #justme?

Most people said they’d definitely do it. Some said they already had. I got one “no” and two “I can’t comment” replies <– lol @ people commenting to say they can’t comment… that’s a YES!

If he was still a single man I would recreate that day in a heartbeat. This time I’d give him some of the best “stuff” I’ve acquired over the past decade. I’d set my place up just like his grandparents’ basement and act all innocent again, then I’d say “Hey! Look what I can do now!” … LoL okay I won’t go into more detail but that afternoon would be full of grown up activities this time! 😉

“Almost Doesn’t Count . . . and Neither Does This!” ( Part II )

Hopefully you read Part One posted earlier today. Please don’t be mistaken by what I said though. Even though I encourage not telling men exactly what your “body count” is, you definitely need to keep track of the accurate number. Women should know when enough is enough and you’re teetering on the line between sexually liberated and just plain loose.

Here are some tips and helpful hints for you ladies who wish to alter your number, but aren’t quite sure how! There are some guidelines. You can’t just pick an arbitrary number, because some of them just don’t make sense.

  • One Night Stands – this one may seem obvious, however not all one night stands can be eliminated. If it happened once, and you never spoke to them again, or you see him/her and always walk the other way avoiding eye contact, you don’t have to count it. [An exception to this rule is if you steadily have one night stands with people… you can’t eliminate them all!] BUT, if you’re friends with this person and you had sex with them… when you get into your next relationship, you have to tell your significant other that you’ve had sex with this “friend”.
  • If you don’t remember it, you can’t count it!– I don’t mean the times you got super drunk and went home with someone (although some of you might want to exclude those times from your number as well). I’m talking about the time you just weren’t sure penetration occurred. If it started and finished before you had full knowledge of the interaction… it doesn’t count! LoL trust me this has happened to me more than once… it was just over before I even knew he’d begun… you better believe that those 2 encounters have been crossed off my list!
  • All relationships count!- Even if you hate him now, if he was once considered the man in your life. You MUST count him. It doesn’t even make sense (for most adults in 2010) to have a lower sex count than relationship count. AND if you’re like me, and you always get stuck in the “talking to” stage for years at a time, all of those count too. I don’t think anyone would believe me if they knew I was seeing this guy for 1.5 years and we never got it in… if we weren’t having sex, I probably would’ve left! LoL
  • Oral Sex/Hand Jobs/Toys (Manual)- If there was only tongue/hand action and especially if it wasn’t my hand or mouth, it doesn’t count. If the woman is the one doing the penetrating and he doesn’t penetrate her. . .It counts!! No matter how much he denies it. (LMAO!! This is CocktailJay’s input) Toys… that’s not real sex… LoL ß this entire bullet was meant for my amusement.
  • Time- Honestly sometimes I just don’t count it if it was a really long time ago and I don’t care for the person. They don’t make it onto my public count. However, time isn’t an eliminator for everyone. Of course people like your “first” do count, and like I said already, your exes always count. But I’m not telling my current interest about that “one time, in high school. . .” ::band camp voice:: He just doesn’t need to know that.

Okay, I’m done for now. But PLEASE keep in mind that not all of these apply to my own life, and these are hypothetical situations! I don’t follow these rules to the T.  I haven’t even experienced all of these situations. I am just putting out my opinion (with a few embellishments & some humor). ALSO I think that in an actual relationship you should feel safe enough to divulge your actual number with your partner. I reserve my Public Count for people who are just being nosey and for men I’m just dating/flinging with. I guess any man I get into a relationship with better wait until we make it official to ask me the big question if he wants a definite answer!

P.S. – I got a few angry men contacting me today about Part One… maybe this will answer some of your questions, maybe it’ll make it worse… Please leave ALL concerns in the COMMENTS section. Do NOT Facebook me, google wave me, email my personal account, or Twitter me on my personal Twitter account (hit me up on @FrenchKissez is you must)!! It’s just a blog people.

“Almost Doesn’t Count . . . and Neither Does This!” ( Part I )

We all know that we live in a world full of double standards between men and women. Men are allowed– encouraged even, to embrace and explore their sexual prowess. And on the other hand, women are taught as little girls not to bring their milkshakes to every little boy’s yard. In fact, don’t even think about milkshakes! And if you happen to start making milkshakes, only VANILLA! LoL in other words, real ladies are supposed to be sexually meek and mildly mannered.

In this day and age when we are surrounded by sexual images everywhere from the innuendos in cartoons to booty poppin’ in videos & random hookups on reality tv, the “good-girl” expectations have become more and more unrealistic. I really believe these “rules” also lead to sexual frustration among women (and the men who want to do them) if they are to be followed. How do you explain to your man the reason he’s only getting missionary when he saw some chick in a movie the other day doing a headstand?? Mild-mannered women just can’t compete! Fact. If what he wants is a corkscrew and all he’s getting from his woman is a regular, he will find the “freak” to give it to him. I’m all for pulling out all the tricks to please someone I’m in a committed relationship with. However, it doesn’t make me any less of a lady… You gotta practice the tricks, and men are quicker to give up on or step outside of a relationship they aren’t sexually satisfied in. I’m not encouraging women to be loose with their sexual activities, but I’m not the type of person to call another woman a whore because she’s practicing her craft. So what is a woman to do?

I think it’s deplorable that men still call women who are 25 and older “rollers” just because they may know of one or maybe two men she’s slept with. Maybe her sleep number is at a 10. I don’t think that’s a whore. I think that’s a woman who may not have found exactly what she’s looking for yet. Things happen in every interaction with a man, maybe he used her, maybe things just didn’t work out between them. If her sleep number is at a 7, or a 10 shoot, even a 15 I don’t think she should be judged. When a man of the same age who has slept with 15 women is not branded with a bad reputation but applauded and encouraged to “keep going, don’t settle down, you’re too young!” Well if all of the 25-27 year old men are on number 15 and not ready to settle down, what are the young women supposed to be doing while waiting for him to finish sowing his oats? Act like we don’t experience the same urges? Let’s be realistic. These men aren’t sleeping with imaginary women, so why should they be considered hoes?

I refuse to be honest about the number of men I’ve slept with, and I encourage ALL women to alter their count as well. If it’s high, lower it, and if it’s low, raise it! It’s no one’s business anyway. Either way, you shall be judged and he probably won’t believe you. Plus, some encounters just DO NOT count! 😉

This got a little long-winded, so I’m going to put up a separate post on how to edit your numbers. Which partners “legitimately” just don’t count, and which ones you cannot escape!