Underhanded Toss

We have a new guest post! My friend wrote this and shared it with me. I loved it immediately! I think we’ve all been here before. COMMENT PLEASE!

Written by Tiffani B.

He tricked me too. They always seem to find a way to make me hesitant, one foot hovering over ground. Neck cocked to the left/right. Scared so scared to place the tip of the toes. The arch of the foot. The heel. To the dirt. Fearful something’s going to reach up beneath said dirt and pull me down down down till I can’t breathe. Till the dirt has swallowed not only my skin but the space in the lungs where the oxygen should be. And the tip of my middle finger’s nail is all that’s seen aboveground next to that sign. The one with the arrow. That huge one from some old cartoon, pointing out the obvious.That huge wooden sign with the arrow pointing out the obvious at said finger in said dirt. In capital letters. Misspelled. Saying “stoopid girl. Stupid stoopid stupid girl. Fell for it again.”

I guess there’s no one to be mad at about it. I gave it to him. Tossed it underhanded. Saw it float float fall in his palms. Saw the way his eyes slanted just a second as he slipped it in his right back pocket. Just like that I’d given it away. Couldn’t see it anymore. Didn’t hear from it. No letters in the inbox. No packages. I gots nothing. And all because I gave it to him. I’ll admit I should’ve seen it coming. Noticed how it got real blue-gray outside. How all the winged ones went quiet. Ominous. They knew too.


So now I’m sans heartbeat. Just laying here. Waiting on my breathing to slow. On my hands to feel cold. On all the things that happen to heartless people to happen to me. I kinda miss the thumpthump. Wonder if he listens to it the way I did. Wonder if it got smushed in his pocket all that time. Wonder if it misses me. He could’ve said something. I know I wouldn’t have begged him for it back. But. He could’ve said something. Relented. Taken a breath. Looked at me. He could’ve looked at me. And said I play for keeps. Said no take backs. Said you sure. Said baby you sure. And I probably would’ve laughed and chuckled giggled and smiled. I probably – no – I know i would’ve still taken it out of its fine wooden box.  Cuz that wouldn’t fit in his fine linen slacks. Taken it out and wrapped it hurriedly in some plastic bags. Letting the ribbons it came with fall to the wayside. Totally disregarding the pieces of silk that came folded alongside it. Moving so quickly to just get it perfectly positioned so that he. He. He. Could have it. Because all I wanted was for him to have it.

Underhanded toss.

And now I’m breathless. Paralyzed and tired. Immobile and afraid. With no voice. Because no one tells you that your speech, your ability to put together words in protest disappear when you give over where the words come from. I tossed so much away. I shake my head. I want to cry. Heave those tears that hurt the back of your throat, clench your side. The ones that require support from objects stronger than you at that moment in time. Like plastic furniture. Or countertops. Floors. Always the floors. And I realized he took that too. The ability to pity oneself in a watery-way is standard equipment in what I gave away. Who knew. No one tells you it’s a package deal. That when you hand it or…throw it…away so eagerly, it glides through the air with invisible strings tied to the tear ducts, the larynx, the lungs, the brain. My mind. The pieces of my mind that kept the pieces of my mind together unraveled as those strings flew in the air. And I didn’t even know it. Like yarn. I’m underhandedly tossing away the best part of me thinking I’ll be alright without it. And here I am unraveling me. Brightly colored invisible string followed by equally brightly colored invisible string slipping from my flesh into the air between he and I and tearing apart. Like hair strands in the wind. If I looked to find the different pieces I could never find that version of me again. Took all of two seconds.

He’d said something in all of two seconds that made my heart leap. My heart leapt. My heart dived from within its ribbed security into my makeshift packaging and then…well. And then. It took all of two seconds and a flick of the tongue. A vowel followed by the flick of the tongue. An oh. A vee. Another vowel.

He tells me he loves me. In two seconds every rib becomes gel and my heart pushes through. My brain shuts down. My soul quiets. He tells me this lie and I believe it so much I give him my heart. For this lie. I knew it was a lie when he whispered it to me. When he stood there, across from me with that left hand behind his back. That one finger crossed over that other finger. I knew that it was a lie. And not in my brain cuz it was unraveling. Not in my soul cuz it was anesthetized. Not in my heart cuz its so damn foolish. But me. In me I felt that lie curl from his lips and into my veins. I felt it make the hair on my arm rise. And I. I, she spoke to Me. And I told Me to believe the lie. Again. To believe this lie yet again. And one second after one second passed and I gave my heart away. Tossed it underhanded. Saw it float float fall in his palms. Saw the way his eyes slanted just a second as he slipped it in his right pocket. Just like that I’d given it away. I guess there’s no one to be mad at it. I mean. I did. I did. give it to him.




Hey Lovelies! I know I haven’t posted in a while. But I think I have something you will like today. Here is another post tagged to our “Other’s Kissez” category!

Read what happened to Miss Mistress of Intuition…

Short, tall, medium, small…chocolate , light, however you like… I’m starting to believe that all men are in fact the same! It’s situations like this that just make good women like myself just want to throw in towel.

-The pursuit
So I met this guy about a year ago. I mean he was ok… he had the whole t.d.h. (Tall dark and handsome) thing going on. He seemed cool so after much hesitation and procrastination a month later I decided, why not! Every thing was great…at first( isn’t that the way it always is though). Everything from surprise dates,  to great conversation this guy seemed like, one of the good ones.  He always told me he was dating other people until he found the right one , and I respected him for his honesty. Although he gave me the world, I didn’t expect much from him because of this reason and there was just something that kept telling me to hold back. So I did. For weeks, sometimes months at a time. He’d blow up every line of communication I had,cell, email, you name it…even a suprise visit to my job, just to say hi. Although I never dated him consistently, we were good friends, and like I said I respected the fact that he was always honest with me.  Not that I was trying to be a tease but, until I figured out what didn’t seem right, I wasn’t about to put all my eggs in one basket.

-A few months later . . .
So now we’ve come to late august early september and for some reason me and this guy have become heavier and heavier. It seemed like we were actually dating…for more than a period at a time. So being the woman I am, I don’t like wasting my time, so I decided to have the “talk” about where this was going. And based off that conversation we had, I was finally convinced that maybe, just maybe, I can let a few walls down and try to build something more…because he seemed ready. Boy was I wrong……….

-The climax and ending

One night, I decided to be nice pick him up from work so we could spend time together at his apartment. Everything’s going great until we get back to his apartment and the doorbell rings.  He proceeds to tell, (not ask me) to go into his bedroom . Ok ( after all, I don’t like to judge a situation without more information)… I did it… but about 10 minutes after realizing he was no where to be found, I put on my stuff and proceeded to the door. And what do I find? He’s there chatting it up with some chick! So being the reserved woman I am, I walk right past them with just a look, and walked to my car. Then I’m not sure at what point it happened but the gangsta in me took control and sped right back over there and made the FINAL confrontation. After talking with this girl it turns out this lil busta has a had a girlfriend for three months and she even has his key! Not to mention they’re planning a vacation away for christmas! Oh no he didn’t. And that easily, I went from the “good potential girl” to “side piece” without any warning. Luckily his “girlfriend” was passive and corny, so she didn’t say much which worked out well in her favor because I would have had to shut her up quickly. Enraged I began to talk to him, asking the usual, “why didn’t you just say something…I wouldve let you go… I didn’t even need your sorry ass”…blah blah blah.. After he said absolutely nothing, he proceeded to just barely look at me and push ME out! With a look that spoke a thousand words of how much I didn’t mean to him…but she did after a few months.  Okay kicking me out is fine, but ummmm  I wasn’t finished yet dammit! So after a couple punches to his head,  and the launching of my keys to his face, I was finally out the door which he slammed in my face. I hope this time I left a mark, he can remember.

Moral of this story: Your first instinct is your best instinct.

As for his “girlfriend”, sadly, by him kicking me out, she’ll probably stay with him and deal with all his corney bullshit. Looking passed the humiliation and anger, I was actually the lucky one.  I wish her pathetic ass all the best.

The Mistress of Intuition

Liar Liar!

Hey Lovelies! This is a reader submission. . .

She goes by “Miss Naïve” Show her some love and leave a comment 🙂

This is the tale of a young and dumb girl who thought she could buy her way to a man’s heart with nice gifts and gestures, and how he played her for a fool with a pool of lies. Little did she know, she would soon regret being so nice. We’ll call the young man LL for liar-liar and the young lady miss naive. So LL and Miss Naïve had been kickin it for a few months. After a few months of off and ons between the two, some consistency started to come into play. Ms. Naïve’s birthday was just a few months before LL’s. The day after Miss Naïve’s birthday party (which LL wasn’t invited to because other members of Miss Naïve’s “team” were there lol), LL showed up at Miss Naïve’s door with a pair of designer shoes that Miss Naïve asked for as a gift. She was ecstatic!

Time goes on, Thanksgiving rolls around and Miss Naïve goes shopping with the fam the day after Thanksgiving. “These Polo sweaters are so cute! LL would look good in one of these.” Miss Naïve thought to herself. So she gets one for him. When she returns home, she gives the sweater to LL who kindly accepts.  So Miss Naïve had the hook up in one of LLs favorite stores. He mentioned a blazer that he liked, so being the nice girl she was, she contacted the hook up and got the blazer. “This can be a pre-birthday gift” she thought to herself. A few weeks roll around and its LL’s birthday. Miss Naïve takes him to dinner, and is super excited because she knows that LL is going to love the “real” gift she got him. During dinner, LL asks “What are you doing for new years?” Miss Naïve says she doesn’t have any definite plans. LL lets her know that they might be able to get up then, and spend new years together. When the two return home, Miss Naïve pulls out a big bag and hands it to LL. He opens it and is smiling from ear to ear when he sees his favorite bottle of vodka and more clothing from his favorite store. After chilling for about 20 mins, LL leaves saying he was going to go to a bar with some of his friends. “WTF?” Miss Naïve thinks to herself. Well maybe he was going to be with the guys right?

New Year’s Eve rolls around, still no definite plans made with LL. Hell, he hasn’t even mentioned doing anything since dinner. So Miss Naïve goes ahead and spends New Year’s Eve with her friends. She never asks LL what happened to them kicking it together, she just lets it ride.

It’s a week before Valentine’s Day. Once again LL claims he is going to “plan something.” Going off his previous actions Miss Naïve doesn’t get her hopes up, and has a plan B. As expected, LL doesn’t show, doesn’t call, doesn’t text. Miss Naïve couldn’t be too upset because she figured it would happen. This was her “final” test. That was it! No more LL in her life.

In the mean time, here are a few more examples of Miss Naïve’s quest for this man’s heart.

1)    One night, Miss Naïve decided to cook dinner for LL. She asked him what his favorite dish was, and he told her. She looked up the recipe for the meal (which she really didn’t eat) to make him happy. The meal turned out great! Too bad she had to eat it alone because LL was a no show. After making plans and being given a time to meet at her place for dinner, he doesn’t call/text or anything. His excuse the next day was “he washed his phone” in the washing machine by accident.

2)    While leaving the club, Miss Naïve wanted some company. so she hit LL up to ask him to come over. She calls once, no answer, twice, no answer, three times, not a lady, but no answer. So being the typical female, Miss Naïve calls LL from her friends phone. He picks up immediately (guys fall for it every time). Once LL realizes its Miss Naïve, he starts trying to act like he was sleep and hangs up the phone.

3)    On another occasion, Miss Naïve texts LL and asks him if their plans for going to the movies were still on. He doesn’t text back. In an effort to ease her woman’s intuition, Miss Naïve texts “Are you sleep?” from her friends phone. He replies “nah I’m up, who is this?” She doesn’t reply back. The next day, Miss Naïve asks LL why he didn’t respond to her text. LL said he was sleep. “Mmmm hmmm.” Miss Naïve says. Getting upset, LL says “If I wanted to lie to you, I’m pretty sure I could come up with a better excuse than saying I was sleep.” Man, this guy was good at lying! Or at least he thought he was lol.

Time passes by and Miss Naïve and LL happen to be at the same bar. Of course after all the BS she had to deal with, Miss Naïve wasn’t going to welcome him with open arms. So she slides right past him and doesn’t say a mumbling word. Do you blame her? Why would she say anything to such a shady character? After a night of chilling at the bar, Miss Naïve returns to work the next morning. And who do you think emailed her as soon as she sat down at her desk? You guessed it………LL. He made the point to bring up how Miss Naïve walked right on by and didn’t speak. She didn’t respond because she was laughing too hard.

Another month goes by, and there has been no contact between the two. One night, Miss Naïve decided to go out on the town with a friend of hers and have a good time. While at the bar, Miss Naïve feels a tap on her shoulder. Its LL. He tells her how good she looks, and makes small talk, and eventually buys her a drink. Now by this time, Miss Naïve had another guy friend that had come in the mix. He was also at the party, and Miss Naïve spent most of her time chilling with him. By the time Miss Naïve gets home, she gets a text from LL saying how nice she looked (again). The next night she gets another text from LL saying how he wishes they could hang out again like they used to. Did she really have that much of an effect on him? Lol

After several long “I want to make things right” conversations and text messages, Miss Naïve and LL decide to give their friendship/relationship or whatever you want to call it another try. LL seemed to be on the right track. He showed up when he said he would, they went to dinner, they had drinks after work, they did other fun things together. Could he have possibly made a change for the better? No. After about a month or two, LL becomes MIA once again. No calls, no texts, no emails. Nothing.

What has she learned from all this you ask? I would go into the Khia song “Don’t trust no ni@@@” but that’s for a different day lol. She learned that you can’t be too nice to a guy unless you know he is truly feeling you, or unless the two of you are in a STEADY relationship. And even then you don’t need to buy him s*** unless its his birthday, or Christmas. Hell, you might not need to buy him anything period. They say nice girls finish last, and she believes that to a certain extent. Notice, when she was off LL she couldn’t keep him from blowing up her phone, but once she gave in, he was out like a light. Perhaps being a bitch will get you farther in the long run than being a wifey type? That topic is still debatable. Guys seem to want what they feel like may be slipping through their fingers, then once they know they have it, they don’t appreciate it as much. So the next time you find yourself questioning if you’re being “too nice” then you probably are lol. Take it from me, give them tough love!

-Miss Naïve

But I Thought Guys Liked Girls Who Liked Sports…

Stop.  Do you smell that?  Inhale.  Take it all in.  Football season is in the air!!!

Football season is pretty much the only thing I look forward to this time of year.  Think about it.  Cooler weather (I’m a summer baby, no thanks), shorter days (I hate that it starts getting dark before I even get home from work), and back-to-school time (I’m out of school so all this means for me is increased traffic) are all things that I can gladly do without.  The only thing I fiend for this time of year is football…

Yes, I’m a chick.  Yes, I’m a football fan.  No, I’m not just a football player fan (& if you don’t know the diff, clearly you’re not following @lilduval on Twitter).  Conventional wisdom would have you believe that most guys would find this to be an attractive quality in a female, but my experiences have proved the opposite.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t claim to know everything about the game, but I can def hold my own.  And where I may lack in knowledge about the game, I more than make up for in my knowledge of the industry and the business.  Give me some credit, I did my master’s thesis on sports branding with the focus on black football players, so I think that would give me some “clout” among my male counterparts.  I used to write my own sports blog and I also ghost-blogged for a football player.  My male friends think its super cool, but guys I date seem to think otherwise.

I’ve had three diff guys express their displeasure in my affinity of sports, particularly football.  The first told me that it was just something he’d prefer to talk about with his “boys” and not with me (I think he didn’t respect my opinion because his team sucked & I reminded him every chance I got).  The second claimed that he thought that it wasn’t the sport that I liked, but the players (Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m  very hetero & love strong, muscular black men.  I don’t care what he’s doing, if he looks good I’m gonna notice.  I’m not as far gone as Lil Wayne wishing I could eff every dude in the world, but I have remixed Jay-Z “Girls Girls Girls” to my own “Boys Boys Boys” to show my appreciation, lol.).  I think guy #2 was secretly mad that I beat him in Madden.  The third guy said he enjoys teaching “his girl” about football.  This shouldn’t have been a problem but in trying to “teach” me something I already knew, he realized he wasn’t completely knowledgeable himself.

I know what you’re thinking and no I am not one of those emasculating females who likes to show a man how much I really don’t need him but I’m not the helpless damsel in distress either.  I am me, I like what I like, & I LIKE FOOTBALL!!!  And the likelihood of me putting up with a guy that can’t appreciate that about me, NEVERMORE! (ß if you didn’t get that, please go read a book, lol)

by  ~ CallMeKarrie