These Vikki’s Show My Secrets!

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Victoria’s Secret is now trying to let ALL my business out!

What’s up with these new “One Size” (fits all) panties?? They’re just a CRUEL TRICK! They in fact, do NOT fit all sizes. . . not my size anyway.

I bought them, despite them looking a little baggy. I was attracted to these new “Lacie” undies, because they’re 5 for $25 and they come in such a wide variety of colors. But, apparently that’s how they get you! I was a bit skeptical when I saw the label… but I figured, Vikki wouldn’t lie to me. We’ve been cool for so long! I don’t know why I believed that the same panties that fit a size 10 woman would magically shrink down to my size just because they said so. . .

So now, I have 5 pairs of sexy/baggy drawers. That’s an oxymoron! Me and big girl undies don’t get along. . . I like mine lacy and snug. I don’t know what “period panties” are. I don’t own any… so uhhh I guess I do now! ::: shaking my damn head ::: If you’re a not one of those in between sizes, DO NOT BUY these! You’ll be thoroughly pissed off. They should just say “these panties only come in MEDIUM”.

Again, I think I was tricked – “Gimme 20 dollars!”

(okay so that quote is SO out of context, but I ❤ it!)

Ice Cream and Cake and Cake

 Damn you Baskin Robbins, for having such a catchy ass commercial! Even when I think I’m not paying attention to the TV in the background. . . all of a sudden it’s extra loud and I find myself bobbing my head singing “ICE CREAM AND CAKE AND CAKE, I CREAM AND CAKE AND CAKE. . . DO THE ICE CREAM AND CAKE! DO THE ICE CREAM AND CAKE!” Why, God?!

Where Are The Black Girls In The Videos??

Usually when I’m getting ready for work I turn on MTV Jams to soundtrack my morning prep. I like to just listen to the music and I don’t really watch the videos all the time, other than a glimpse here and there while I’m rushing- I’m always rushing, I haven’t been on time for work yet this year! LoL– but today I actually said eFF it, I’m gonna be late anyway and I paid attention to a few of them!

I’m was kinda disappointed to see that NONE of the video chicks looked like me! And when I say, “like me” I mean cute, petite, and A cupped Black. Okay, I wasn’t watching the regular MTV, I was watching MTVJams! This is supposed to be the Black Urban segment of MTV isn’t it? So why are all of these artists who look like me, casting models who look like “them”? 

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against diversifying the line-up. I’m all for it. BUT, when you have like 15 girls (ie Drake’s new video “Best I Ever Had”), and none of them even resemble your mama… what’s really going on? Are you sending the message that if they’re not light skinned (these video chicks aren’t even light skinned anymore really, they’re just “exotic”), long silky haired, with a big chest and bottom then they’re not what’s considered sexy? 

What’s really going on??

Anyway… that’s my rant! I’m done. But for examples of what I’m talking about… check the videos I saw this morning

Drake, Best I Ever Had

– Kid Cudi, Make Her Say

 – Jeremih, Birthday Sex

even Heavy D and his new Reggae image doesn’t want a Black girl!

-Heavy D, No Matter What  — I hope he knows that most Caribbean women are BLACK! 

WELCOME 2 French KiSSez!

 

Hey All! This is my first video blog (please don’t mind the thumbnail, I look CRAZY!)! It cuts off a little abruptly at the end because I’m still trying to get the hang of this video editing thing… so bear with me! 

MUAH!

Boy You So Nasty! (not in the good way)

Anyone who knows me, knows I have serious and strange idiosyncrasies about the bathroom… even if you read CocktailOur (if you knew who was writing what), you know how crazy I am about them.

 

Dirty bathrooms are my BIGGEST pet peeve! If I go to a man’s place and have to use the bathroom you better believe while I’m in there I’m checkin’ the ring around the toilet and the ring around the tub!

 

It REALLY pisses me off when I go into a grown man’s house (roommate or not) and his tub is varying shades of gray and brown! What the hell!? Do you not see the change in color? Was your tub not white when you moved in? Oh and please don’t get me started on the toilet. . . okay I’m started! If I can tell how bad your aim is as soon as I walk in your bathroom, it’s definitely a deal breaker (if you can’t aim for the toilet, I’m not letting you practice your aim on me! lmao). Whatever happened to flushing for good measure? You knew I was coming over, why didn’t you get rid of those traces of last night’s dinner floating around in there?? Too much?? Okay, I apologize. I just needed to get the point across. I digress.

 

Anyway, all you not-so-gentle-men, please don’t wonder why I left and didn’t call you the next day. Just check your outhouse for the answer. CLEAN UP!! Your momma would be ashamed!

Good Guy vs Bad Guy

– Written by A MAN and A WOMAN

The scenario: Here are two different guys that are talking to the same girl & these are their unedited thoughts.

 

Good Guys finish last…

Damn, this isn’t the first time this actually happened to me. I mean I sweet-talked her, I bought her candy & flowers & yet she still acts like I don’t exist. I showed her love & affection I comfort her soul, her problems became mine, on my shoulder she cried & the sex was passionate. I combed my fingers through her hair, whispered that I loved her while I nibbled her ear. I gave her my all. I was there for her through thick & thin, supported her habits & I bought her all the material things she desired. But it was hard for us to spend some quality time because she was either with a “friend” or had some shit on her mind. It took hours just for her to return my calls and then she said “I simply think I need a break from this all.” So I thought was it something I said or better yet, was there something that I’ve could’ve done better? But “NO”, she replied. She said that she needs her space but her friend already told me she’s been out on dates. Ahhh, fuck it! Once again my heart crushed like glass. Why does this always happen to me? I guess its true what they say nice guys always finish last.

 

Say “hello” to the Bad Guy…

Its so true what they say nice guys always finish last, that’s why I treat girls the way I treat em’ and act the way I act. She be blowing up my phone just to see where I’m at, but I tell her that I’m busy and I’ll call her right back. I don’t sweet talk I simply tell her what it is, I hardly ever take her out and never bought her a gift. And the sex be rough ~ hair pulling and dirty talking, we don’t cuddle I be smacking her ass to keep her going and she loves my style she be digging the kidd, told her girls about the way I be hitting her shit. Now her friend looking at me like they want to get with it, so I told her on the low baby girl you can get it. And my girl heard rumors bout me getting it in, and she cries “baby I don’t want to lose you” to me all the time. At the end this is simply how its meant to be, and I know because this isn’t the first time that its happened to me. Say hello to the bad guy.

 

– WRITTEN BY A MAN

 

 

. . .And these are her thoughts

 

Good Guys Finish Last. . .

because they want to. You rely on the label “good guy” as a pass… to be passive. Being a good dude doesn’t mean you don’t have to make any moves. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have to be willing to chase me just for a bit. I like the excitement. And it doesn’t mean that I’m going to be automatically attracted to you because you treat me well. There’s more to it than that. It’s all well and good if you stroke my hair and whisper in my ear, but what if you don’t stimulate my mind (Or anything else)? I’m sorry but you just don’t excite me. And I’m grateful and thankful that you bought me those things. . . but that’s really all they were: things. I never accepted them with an agreement that they were promises of my undying affection, or even my devotion. They were nice… just like you. You are nice. And I won’t take that from you, but I need more. So with that said, yes, I know you found out I’ve been going on dates. I’m exploring my other options.

I’m sorry if I’ve hurt your feelings. Better luck next time!

 

Hello Mr. Bad Guy. . .

I can’t help but be drawn to you. Even though dealing with you the last time resulted in heartbreak, I’m doing it again because I know you can change. I’m calling your phone, but you won’t pick up! I’ll just try again later… in 5 minutes. Where are you? You said you’d be home. I bet you’re with that chick my girl saw you with in the mall. I do so much for you, drop anything I’m doing, buy you what you want, sex on call. I even let you pull my hair and you know I hate that shit! I’m hearing all kinds of dirt around town about you. Bitches giving me strange looks, but I’m just paranoid right? I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t know what else I can do. I guess this will be over soon. . . we’ve already reached the end.

This may be just what I get for stepping all over a good dude.

 

-Frenchie (A Woman)