Golden Tickets for Everybody!!

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been fooled by a Golden Ticket.

I’m talking about Magnum Condoms. Sometimes they just aren’t necessary! There’s no impatient drug store clerk yelling over the intercom for a price check on your regular sized condoms. That’s just for tv.

Remember in the book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (by Roald Dahl… or the adapted movie “Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory”) EVERYONE wanted a golden ticket so they could get into the Factory and witness all of it’s treasures? People were even forging their own Golden Tickets just to get inside. That millionaire from Paraguay had everyone fooled for a little bit. People thought he found the last golden ticket and turns out he was a fraud!

I get upset when my hopes are baited by the golden wrapper and when it’s put in place it doesn’t even fit! WTF, who wants to have a sex with a baggy condom?? Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t that defeat the purpose? You’re not protecting anyone against pregnancy or diseases if you can’t even keep it on.

If a man wears Magnums solely because of the name and not because he needs them does he not realize that it looks foolish?? Dude, your penis looks WAY smaller in a baggy Magnum than it would in a regular sized condom. A loosely fitting condom gets all slippery (and not in a good way!) and needs to constantly be adjusted. Definitely a mood destructor. I think that would be way more embarrassing and annoying than any intercom price check announcement. Do condoms even come in “size small??” LoL

Anyway, I was on Twitter today and someone tweeted that Ludacris is the new face for Magnum’s most recent campaign. Why not? If he’s Black and he’s a rapper then of course he has a giant penis to go along with his larger than life personality! Right? I won’t even delve into the obvious stereotype that could be implied here. (smh)

…I wonder if the people over at Trojan noticed Ludacris is only like 5’2″. I’ve always heard big things come in little packages! Maybe Ludacris whipped out his wang auditioned for this role.

Apparently Magnum is the most popular condom among African Americans. Not sure where Trojan got their stats from but, whatever. I’m sure Black men and women feed into the bull and buy them just for the “status”. Adding a rapper into the mix just makes sense (straight face). Personally I would’ve gone with someone like Flo Rida or David Banner… Now they look like they could fit a Magnum! 😉

Check out the NYT article for yourself here.


Definitely a DIFFERENT World

Why didn’t I find a husband in college? Things would be so much easier. I’m so over this single-life thing. How many of you went to college thinking you were going to meet the Cliff to your Claire or the Whitley to your Dwayne? I know I can’t be the only one! I blame the Huxtables and a Different World. They LIED! All of the relationships I got out of college, I’d rather leave there. The memories never to be resurrected again. Half of the men boys I dated in school, I don’t allow myself to even speak their names. Yes, that’s how bad it was. I’m going to write my own sitcom about the Black College experience. I’m sure all of these dating stories I have will be enough to power through a few seasons!


“I Think This is Why I’m Single”

I’m always in control.

In college I had one guy who was probably to be the type of guy I need. Except back then, he always wandered. We were together at the wrong time in both of our lives. When I reflect on the relationship during the good times, minus the lies… It could have worked had he been at a point in his life then where he was ready to maintain a commitment. He’s an excellent boyfriend now… to someone else. I honestly respect and admire their relationship. He’s grown into an upstanding man, and I think he’s found the right woman for him.

I’m realizing I need someone who will allow me to be the passenger in their figurative “life-car”… I always end up with the guy who is sitting in the backseat of my car while I drive him around to his different stops in his daily life. It proves to be inconvenient to both of us.

I want my life’s journey to be a road trip where we take turns at the wheel.

I want a man who is strong willed yet considerate. Someone whose life isn’t easily taken over by my own. We each have our own goals and destinations and can strive and achieve them at the same time.

My bestie said I need another man like “___”, cuz she hasn’t seen me happy with anyone since him. It’s true. But, I don’t miss him and no longer have romantic feelings for him at all! I’m just looking for someone to bring me a similar balance. One who can deal with my personality that can sometimes seem overbearing when I’m not getting what I need.. A completely different man who knows how to rock with me, connect with me but still have his own personality, likes and dislikes.

I’m single because I tend to take full control when I have the slightest feeling of disorder or when I can feel uncertainty in a man’s actions. I need to be secure. He has to make firm decisions and steady moves. I’m a person who makes lists, and step by step plans and needs a clear direction. My counterpart can’t be passive because I don’t feel safe with passive. He needs to be able to reassure me that he knows what he’s doing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the type of woman to question a man’s “manhood”, or openly doubt a man’s ability to be a man. I understand the concept of pride and wouldn’t purposely try to bruise an ego… However I am the type to take care of things when it seems the ball isn’t in motion. I’m infamous for filling in the gaps. This tends to be my downfall in a relationship. So far with the men I’ve had long term dealings with (I won’t say “relationships” because most of the time the title has been there) I’ve ended up taking on all of the weight… I find it leads me to resent him for allowing that to happen.

What I need is someone to carry his own because I have no qualms about being responsible for what I bring to the relationship… But oh wouldn’t it be nice to just ONCE hear “let me carry that for you.” I think I’d love that man forever. And when he falters I’d take on his baggage because I want to, not because I have to… And I’d know for certain that he’ll do the same for me when it’s my turn to stumble.

Until then… I guess I’ll be doing it on my own.