Sitting By the Phone

Everything is going great. You allow yourself to let down some of those walls you’ve built in order to avoid disappointment. He seems to have good intentions. You let him in, because he keeps asking. He says he wants you. He speaks of the future.

But then all of a sudden, he’s no longer answering when you call, and he’s definitely not calling you back. No longer sends you those “Good morning! Have a great day” texts. What happened? He’s disappeared from the face of the Earth.

I never understood how it was that easy for men to detach themselves from a situation. No explanations or expression of remorse.

What do you all think??

Come to Bed… (NSFW??)

She laid in bed still awake but with her eyes closed. She dreamed of clouds and sailboats– warmer weather & outdoor activities. She’d never done it on a boat before and decided in that moment to put it on her list of things to do with him this summer. She wondered if he was coming to bed anytime soon. She had been waiting for him to join her, with the expectation of cumming before drifting off into a satisfied sleep. She couldn’t hear him on the phone across the room anymore, so he must have gone to another room to avoid disturbing her.

Pulling the covers off of her body she sat up and called out to him. Wearing only a pair of black lace Brazilian cut panties she rose from the warm spot she’d made for herself on the mattress and stood to her feet. “where is he?” she mumbled to herself.

When she entered the dimly lit living room she found him sitting on the couch. In the quiet, she could hear his even, heavy breathing. Standing closer and looking at him, she thought to herself  “mmm he’s sexy even in his sleep”.

She walked over and kneeled in front of him, resting on her shins. Her small frame fit perfectly between his parted knees. She traced her fingers across the span of his chest and down his stomach. Her mind quickly traveled back to the night before, and she felt a pulse where her thighs met.

He didn’t budge.He hadn’t undressed since coming home that evening. He worked hard and she knew he was exhausted from all of the extra hours he’d been putting in. It wasn’t surprising that he’d fallen asleep on the couch where he’d settled, making late  calls to tie up some loose ends.

She began to undress him. Button  by button, she went down the row of his striped blue shirt until it was completely undone. She feathered kisses on the curly hair on his now exposed chest. He shifted slightly as she loosened his belt and unzipped his gray suit pants.

Tugging gently on his slacks, he began to stir. Maybe he wasn’t as fast asleep as she thought. She slipped a finger under the band at the top of his boxers feeling the bare skin of his stomach there. Pushing her hand under the zipper of his  pants, she just wanted to feel it in her hand. Soft, smooth and warm.

 

As she gently toyed with him through his underwear she could feel him responding, growing firm. She recognized the small throbbing between her legs and couldn’t resist freeing that part of him that she loved to play with from the confines of his underwear. At first she just wanted to look at it. He looked so peaceful she felt kind of bad for disturbing his rest.

She held it in her fist and couldn’t stop herself from giving it a kiss. Many times before they’d started heavy sessions of lovemaking from his request of “baby just give it a kiss for me…” She never could resist. Then she traced the head of it with the tip of her tongue. Wetting and kissing it again before taking it completely into her mouth. As she did this she could hear him inhale sharply.

“Sorry to wake you…”

She said this but did not stop. She worked him in her mouth using her hand alternating between his shaft and massaging his balls. Moving her tongue in circular motions as she moved her mouth up and down on him, she slipped her free hand into her panties rubbing her middle finger through the moisture against her clit.

He was wide awake now, running his fist through her hair as she worked them both. “fuck, baby you know how to wake a man up!”

He pushed his pants the rest of the way down his legs and kicked them aside. Still on her knees with his dick in her mouth and right hand on his balls, she cupped her breasts with her free hand. He tried to reach her pussy with his fingers but the position was awkward. He leaned forward grabbed her by her waist making them switch positions.

Now she kneeled on the couch facing the wall and he positioned his face between her legs. A loud moan escaped her lips as she shut her eyes and gave into the sensation of his warm rough tongue lapping at the pink center of her pussy. He knew her body in and out. Knew just what to do to make her purr. He used two fingers to assist his tongue, moving in and out of her as she pressed her cheek against the wall.

“you’re gonna make me come!”

“not yet. I want you to come all over this dick.” Without missing a beat he rose to his feet, and plunged into her, making her arch further over the back of the sofa.

Steady in and out, he leaned into her and used one hand to tease her left nipple, while his right gripped her waist, keeping time.

The room filled with their heavy breathing and moans of pleasure. She reached on hand between her legs to find his balls and give them a gentle squeeze as they slapped against her mound with his down stroke.

“yeah, like that! Don’t stop”

She could feel him getting close to his climax, so she flexed & tightened her walls around him with every other stroke. He liked that about her. She had so much control over her pussy, it got him there every time. Fucking never got old for them. They always found a new way to keep the excitement. Her mind briefly returned to her dream from earlier.

In the past, when asked by men where her “spot” was, she always responded with what she thought was an honest “I don’t have one.” But he never asked her. He’d just explored her body until he discovered place that lead her to paradise. And now she felt his lips on her body, in that spot, tracing light kisses up and along her side. She cried out as he worked her body as only he knew how…

“baby I’m coming… now, ohh”

He moved quicker in and out of her entry as it contracted and became even wetter around him. He wanted to get there with her. Driven by her sounds of ecstasy with one last thrust she felt him expel his release inside of her.

“Honey, now get off of the couch and come to bed”

🙂

Orbit

“I don’t want to be your Moon, I want to be your Sun. Me center, You planet, revolving.”

orbit |ˈôrbit|
noun1
the curved path of a celestial object or spacecraft around a star, planet, or moon, esp. a periodic elliptical revolution.
• one complete circuit around an orbited body.
• the state of being on or moving in such a course : the earth is in orbit around the sun

Moons revolve around planets, planets revolve around the sun. Get it? I have an explanation but I don’t feel like typing it. So… just think about it.

 

 

Rememory

“If a house burns down, it’s gone, but the place-the picture of it-stays, and not just in my rememory, but out there, in the world. What I remember is a picture floating around there outside my head. I mean, even if I don’t think about it, even if I die, the picture of what I did, or knew, or saw is still out there.” – Sethe (p 36) Beloved

 

One of Toni Morrison’s most famous uses of imagery is the concept of “rememory” in Beloved, described by the protagonist Sethe.

Often, feel like in life I’m walking in a circle and I keep passing through the same rememory.

Well… what are you waiting for??

I realize there are some troublesome things within myself that I’ve yet to deal with, or even recognize fully as issues. I’m home (NY) for the day and I found myself sitting in the kitchen. Just sitting there. Staring off into space and unaware of my thoughts or movement around me. My dad came in and saw me and asked if I was okay. My reply: “I don’t know what I am.” The thing is, I really don’t! I’m not sure if I’m sad, happy, lonely or just tired right now. I am numb today.

Upon further thought of “how do I feel?” (because my mother came in and asked me the same question my dad did, along with adding her own guesses, ie. tired and lonely) I’ve realized that I’ve bottled so much inside in the past couple of years. Things happen in my life and I just keep moving but I don’t really deal with them.

Last year I lost one of my best friends. Nothing happened to her, but we’re not friends anymore. I felt like she betrayed our friendship, and although I am not the one who did anything to her in my opinion, our other friends (for the most part) I feel, villainized me for being upset with her. Probably because she got to tell her side of the story first and come off seeming as if she hadn’t intended to hurt me. But she made conscious decisions to act on something she knew I would be upset about. Then decided to sit me down and tell me about it the day I got back into the country after burying my grandmother. Kick someone while they’re down much? Then I feel like I made an effort to forgive her and push things under the rug but wasn’t met with the same effort on her end. We never really talked about it at all. Why should I keep trying? I won’t. But not talking to her is not really dealing with it is it?? We still have the same circle of friends… Well she kinda invaded one of my circles, but I guess I did the same with one of hers so we’re sorta even. I won’t stop hanging out with my friends because I know she’ll be there. That’s childish. But as more and more of the story has unfolded in the past year, I find myself getting angrier. At this point I don’t even want to talk about it with her or hash anything out… I just want it to be over. I dunno, maybe this end was coming even if she hadn’t done what she did. Who knows? Good thing I have best friend number one, when number two fails. I just got tired of being made to feel like my anger wasn’t valid so I stopped talking and never really dealt. (Maybe I’ll talk about what the situation actually was in another post. )

I’m single. And although I feel like I’ve grown from the point of feeling like I need someone to now just wanting someone, it’s still very apparent that I am alone. There isn’t an end in sight to my oneness. I don’t think I’ve embraced it. I fill my voids with extra work and extra curriculars. I date, of course, because I like to go out… But I’m just not meeting the right ones. I told you all last year that I’d begun to internet date to see what the hype is. You would think that when a person makes a decision to put the time and effort into creating an online profile on a site meant for dating an people looking to meet their “someone”, disregarding the social stigmas that do still exist, they would take it seriously. So far I’ve met two guys that I was into that said all of the “right” things at first and had me thinking I may have come across something that could turn into something more than casual eventually, that turned out to be duds. Good dudes but they’re not looking for relationships. Then whyyyy sir, are you on a dating website? <– That was guy number 2. Guy number one is an entire post by himself! Frankly, I’m not looking for a relationship either, but I’m not counting them out. Actually I do want a relationship but who knows if you’re even someone I want to commit myself to?? Why are you telling me this? Even though I wasn’t at the point where I was thinking “relationship” yet, it was sort of a bruise to my ego/esteem when he called the other night seemingly just to tell me that. It brought back old feelings of rejection from other guys. That “what’s so undesirable about me?” feeling. I am almost 30 practically and never been in a “relationship” for more than 6 months. And that was only twice. I’ve dated men for well over a year, even two, but they never want to be in a relationship. But why would they? I overextend myself, I give, and I don’t ask for what I want in return. So why would they give up their option to hook up with someone else if they’re still getting everything they want from me without having to give anything? I realize this and I feel like I’ve recognized what I shouldn’t be doing but it hadn’t fully changed yet. And I haven’t fully dealt with that ugly duckling feeling that I used to have, mainly because of that “him” that used to tell me I was ugly every day. I made efforts to embrace my outward and shine outwardly, but I haven’t fully dealt with the inside.

I hate my job. I used to be confident when I spoke, take full credit for my work and not put my name on something until I was proud of it. Working in this place for the past 3 years has extinguished so much of me. I was pleasant, I smiled and I was happy to do things. I find that I can’t even breathe deeply in that building anymore. It’s such a depression that I’ve been placed into. It shows even through my phone conversation. I’m typically not a rude person. I know I have wonderful manners. I used to complain about the people who worked at my university and how much they seemed to hate their jobs and take it out on the students. I’ve become one of those women who are just sour! I had a woman call back to tell me how rude I was on the phone and ask my name. I sincerely had to apologize to her and check myself because she was right and I hadn’t even realized at the time what I was doing. She recognized my name and who I was and asked if I was having a bad day because she’s come in to my job so many times and I was always helpful and smiling. I felt so bad! Even now, I’m embarrassed. I don’t want to complain about it anymore, I just want to do something about it.

All of these things are unresolved issues I’m my life right now and need to be fixed or come to terms with. Accepted? What am I waiting for?

Oooh, Girl! He’s HOT!

Have you met any good looking guys recently who seem to suffer from “Hot Guy Syndrome”?? You know what I’m referring to. Those good looking guys who know they’re hot and therefore refuse to try. They don’t use their manners, and chivalry which may not have in fact died, is a certified ghost to them. They expect you to prove to them you’re worthy of their attention rather than the other way around. And they can act this way because they look good and surprisingly, this attitude works for them because there are women who will jump through hoops to get closer to them because they’re thinking of what their future children together will look like, and the jealous stares they’ll receive from other women when they’re out in public because the man on their own arm isn’t quite as handsome, or they’re alone.

Anyway, I’m here today to say that I have fallen victim to the Hot Guy once in the past… okay maybe twice. I was just thinking about the stupid, uncharacteristic things I used to do for once dude in particular. He definitely wasn’t worth it. And turns out of course I wasn’t the only one at the time that he had thinking there was a possibility of being with him. And even now after we stopped seeing each other, stopped physically being with each other, yet remained in contact, he tells me things that make me feel kinda sorry for the women who are smitten with him. He acknowledges that he knows he’s a good catch and it’s hard (for Black women in particular) to find a dude with his same qualities (very handsome, black, educated, gainfully employed, home owner, foreign car driving, etc) and he can’t help but take advantage of it. Self-admittedly, knowing at the statistics of single women in his age group looking for a certain demographic of men that he fits into, makes him even less inclined to settle down now, or date monogamously because he has soooo many options!  Sometimes, like now, when I think about it, I don’t know if I can blame him either. Yeah, it’s wrong in my opinion but I see his logic.

So what is a woman to do?? Anyway, I’m not a lion in a circus and I’m not jumping through any burning hoops! I wrote before about my affinity to men with “medium tools” and I’m letting y’all know today that I will also be completely happy with a dude who is “nice-looking”. LoL! Although every now and then when I first meet a man I may be interested in I have those “hmm I wonder what a daughter with him would look like… ” Don’t judge me. 😉

Would You Be Offended If . . .

. . . I posted my first shot at writing erotica on the blog??

I took a stab at writing something sexy after drinking a little too much wine the other night. . . Wanna read it?? LoL