Am I Supposed to Be the Cat or the Mouse?

I’ve never been good at the cat and mouse game men and women are
supposed to play when dating!

Once I decide I like a guy I always want to just lay all my cards face
up on the table and hand them over to him. And then I want him to take
them, accept them and on top of that I want him to actually want to keep them too. But through my
experiences I’ve learned that this really isn’t a smart strategy for
this game. You can’t make someone want you just because of how you feel about them.

So when I try to play my cards close to my chest, I come off as aloof
and maybe disinterested and they in turn lose interest as well.

I’ve written several times that I don’t do well with finding the happy
medium in most situations relating to dating.

What do you guys do when you start dating someone?? The goal is to
keep their interest but at the same time not put yourself out there
too much & get your feelings hurt when they’re not as open to
receiving you as you’d hoped. How does one accomplish this?
What’s your method for sealing the deal?



  1. Late answer, but hey for what it’s worth, I dislike one size fits all answers, we’re not all the same so why would one strategy work for everyone…feel the personality out, if they’re a straight forward person put the cards on the table if not, be more coy. I’m a direct person (& hate waisting time) for the most part so I appreciate a woman that can be forward or direct as well, but that’s me & playing coy would be the quick way to ge ME to move on…admittedly I’m probably in the minority with that approach.

  2. Late yet again, but I’m with toussaintthefree. One card at a time.

    Always be the mouse.

    If it’s one thing I remember my mother telling me, it’s always allow a man to pursue you because you want a man that will show he wants you more than you want him. Men are supposed to be the aggressors, if you take the pursuit (or your emotional mystery) from the equation, what does he have left to work for? You’ve given over everything day 1!

    I’m like an onion (but I smell better) – I, like you, have many layers. It will take time, strong senses and patience to get to my core.

    As I review this….. too many metaphors, too little time to explain them all.

  3. It’s ALWAYS easier to see the “error of (y)our ways” when we are not in the situation. I think this is just another fight between logic and emotions… Logically, you know what you’re not supposed to do (because you stated that you know it’s a game), but (like I always do), you went the “lay-it-on-the-line, put-it-all-out-there” route.

    Okay, so maybe you shouldn’t have placed your cards down face up, BUT talking about that is not going to change THIS particular situation. Let’s talk about the next move – with him (and the next guy if this backfires).

    While I write this to you, I am talking to myself too. I’ve never liked being on a team unless I was a leader and I hate playing the game unless I created the rules. It’s dumb! I like the “say what you mean, mean what you say” approach, but it doesn’t work…
    Don’t be down on yourself, but don’t keep making the same mistakes. Fall back a bit and see how he responds.


    miss young

  4. You already done messed up with your handing the cards over, this is not a marriage…heck it may not last a year. A relationship is like ‘Poker’ you put down a card at a time, and see where you stand, that allows the guy to put his down also, if he doesn’t and tries to bluff, get out of there and keep you “winnings” for the next dude!!!

  5. Something is wrong here. You speak of showing your cards and handing them over to him with no mention of him handing over his. There may lie the problem. But hey…who am I to give advice?

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