Desperate Dating?

It’s been a while and I have a confession to make. First let me say “Don’t Judge Me!!” Okay it’s really not that juicy, probably not even that big of  a deal either, but it’s a confession nonetheless, and still something that’s hard for me to admit. So here goes: I’ve ventured into the world of online dating! Why not?

I was talking to a longtime guy friend of mine, discussing my horrible track record with dating and relationships. I explained to him that I’m open to dating and relationships but I always tend to meet the wrong men. Ones who have no interest in commitment. They just want the perks of a relationship without the title. Or the title without the commitment.  He asked if I’d ever considered meeting men online through a matchmaking website. I admitted that I thought about it in the past, and even browsed a couple of sites without actually signing up, but I didn’t want to succumb to what I thought of as desperation. Friend explained to me that it’s actually not as bad as I was making it out to be. It’s not necessarily for people who have no other options, but for people who may not want to go to the usual places to meet people. Going to clubs, lounges and other social settings to meet people who may not be at those same places with similar intentions is not for everyone. When approaching someone at a random place, you always run into the risk of rejection. Of course you still face rejection online as well, but it’s not as embarrassing or uncomfortable when you’re not staring them in the face. No harm, no foul. You can feel more confident approaching that sexy dude you know you would be too shy to say hello to in person walking down the street. And the upside is you know that all of the people on these sites expect to be approached, hit on, and are looking for interaction… maybe not with you, but hey!

After talking to him and getting a couple of suggestions of some sites he’d “heard about” (I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s tried this himself. He’s in a relationship now. I don’t know if they met online, but he’s happy!) I decided to try it. If nothing positive comes of it, at least I’d have something to write about! LoL I amped myself up by convincing me that I’m conducting a “social experiment”.

I’m actually enjoying the experience! Surprisingly. I had no real positive expectations. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all good… I’m definitely not interested in most of the men who contact me. A lot of men just look at my pics and don’t read my profile, send messages that say “damn you’re sexy!” or “You’re beautiful I want to get to know you” and we have nothing in common (I actually recently took down most of my pics). Thanks for the compliment, it’s cool but I need a little bit more than that. Some of them are rude. Some just plain crazy and scary- the man whose default picture was of him wearing a patent leather thong and mask gagged by a ball with a chain attached to it which was connected to the thong for instance!  There are men who hassle you if you don’t respond to their advances right away. Can’t forget about the “yoes” with the gold fronts, and hood poses next to cars who’ve messaged me saying things like “what’s goodie”! Then you must also be careful for the rebound dudes who’ve only been single for a couple of weeks/months who then decide they’re getting back with their ex .::sigh::. However, for the most part there are regular people online looking for love! And if not love, then friendship. It’s like “real life” at a much faster pace!

Looking back on my views from a month ago, where I felt the need to be “sneaky” about trying it out, I’m laughing. I’m still shy about the fact that I’m “meeting” men online (if you can call it meeting since it’s digital), but hopefully this post will help with the confidence if I can change some of the stigma that comes along with it. After all, I’m not sure what you all think, but I believe that I can be considered attractive, intelligent, and educated. I have things to offer and bring to a relationship with anyone, so if I’m giving it a shot online, then the odds are that there is a male counterpart doing the same… and who knows, maybe we’ll meet or have met already .::crossed fingers::.

It’s been three (3!) years since my last relationship, and almost two years since my last “long-term situation” ::eye roll:: ended, so I’m confident that I’ve gotten over the things that have kept me purposely single since then. Of course some insecurities and hesitations will probably always be with me, but I don’t think they’re prominent enough in my psyche anymore that they would affect my next relationship. I consider myself healed. I took the time to do it, to work on me, and figure out the things that I want from the next man who will hold a place in my life and I’m okay with who I am and what I want today. So, now I’m feeling confident that I can handle a serious relationship with someone without losing myself again. Don’t misunderstand though, I have absolutely no intentions of falling for just anyone though. I’ve been taking my time to find someone who is right for me, or to let them find me.  I guess this new online dating thing is just something I’ve added to the process. Since I became an adult I’ve never, ever had a hard time meeting men, but we all know my issue is keeping them! LoL so pray for me, cross your fingers, do a rain dance for me! 😉


P.S. uhmm did I mention I was in a BEAUTIFUL wedding this past weekend of two of my oldest friends (known them since middle school). . . so uhh yeah, I wanna get married too. ‘Tis all.



  1. Devil’s Advocate: How can you judge someone’s senserity through words and pictures? Unless you plan on dating someone you meet online right away (which would be creepy in itself), you could spend weeks or months delevoping an online relationship with someone who isn’t sincere or trustworthy, but just has nice pictures and can write well. I guess it’s worth it?

  2. Girl, thank you for speaking on it. I’ve grown up as a person who never had to make friends on her own. Friends just came to me. I was the black girl at a predominantly white school where black kids stuck together and treated each other like family and white kids found us interesting. When I got to Morgan, my friends I knew previously introduced me to their friends and that’s how I ever made friends. But as an adult, it is so hard to meet people for friendships, let alone relationships. The people in my circles are the same people. Though I have some really awesome male friends, I look at them as brothers and haven’t really been interested in dating them. Dudes at clubs were bleh: boring, uneducated, unmotivated and definitely uninterested in any type of committment. I was lucky if they wanted to call me the next day. Most of them were in search of a body for that night and that night only…probably because their main chick (which they always refer to as “a situation”) was out of town or some sh*t.

    So yeah, I ventured into the online dating world. I made a few mistakes in the process but ended up with a winner at the end. I swear to God, I’ve never been happier in my entire life. I tell the skeptics, “Don’t knock it till you try it.” I think more and more people are ending their taboo regard toward online dating with the advancements of technology and it will definitely become a normal thing in no time. I wish you the best of love luck in it!

  3. “I have things to offer and bring to a relationship with anyone, so if I’m giving it a shot online, then the odds are that there is a male counterpart doing the same”

    yes, I love it! I commend you for stepping out there w/a realistic mind & great sense of humor about it. I’ll admit, I haven’t ventured into online dating but do not look down on it as I once did.

    I joked to my friends about creating a pseudo-blind date show for me. my friends would set me up w/random guys & I would blog about it (or maybe even tape it for YouTube), lol.

    let me know if FrenchKissez want in on this action bc CallMeKarrie needs some new material! 🙂

  4. That’s so cool that you tried it. I haven’t yet, thinking I have to be serious about dating/love before trying it. I actually still feel that way and now is just not the time. But you’ve given me somethings to look out for when/if I do try, like guys with leather undergarments. #gross

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