I Do This for ME. . .

Don't Call It A Comeback!! Get it? Mama Said Knock You Out. . . LLCoolJ. . . never mind

It sucks to wake up in the morning and be sad right off the bat. Last week was really trying for me. There were a few things I wanted to get off my chest but I couldn’t because I was on a “break”

I don’t usually blog about someone I actually still have an interest in. I think the things I said about a certain person were my reactions to feeling rejected. I felt like I’d been working to keep this mans attention (yes I realize I shouldn’t have to ‘work’ at things like that… But I have no middle-ground, remember?). I offered to cook for him on days I knew his shows/games weren’t on… Really what 20 something year old man passes up free meals cooked by a woman just for him?? I even asked him out, and he gave me the shady “I’ll see..” Yes, reading this now I feel a lil desperate. And yes, I know it’s contradictory to this new demeanor I’ve supposedly adopted. But I guess my “eff it” attitude applies to guys I’m not that into anyway. LoL I gotta work on that!

So after almost a month of feeling like I couldn’t win for trying, I decided to vent to you guys. I guess the first rule in effective communication would have been for me to tell him how I felt, since we were actually still in contact daily. But then I saw on those stupid social networking sites (I will stand by my position that Twiiter and Facebook are tools of the devil! Despite my addiction to both LoL…) that he was referring to a girl as his “boo” and his “baby” … Wait a minute dude, your Facebook still says you’re single!! LoL I’m  confused… Did I not just dedicate a NICE blog to you?? Ya know… The kissing one, I know you read it!!  You all know that men in my life RARELY get a positive light shined on them over here at French Kissez! Mainly because they rarely do anything to deserve it. I felt like I was out of nice gestures. So why be nice? Who knew he was going to read, comment AND indirectly respond on Twitter?? I guess I was embarrassed. And his reaction made me realize that my blogging methods are not fool-proof and also effect my dating life. I want to be able to date and write. But I need to figure out the mean.

I was semi-depressed all weekend because I wanted to fix everything!! <– such an annoying personality trait I have. I like it better when there’s no ounce of drama and everyone is happy. I wanted to vent about some other things but I also felt bad for offending someone I did actually like. I apologized to him. He said he really wasn’t mad at my post. But being that I have NO middle ground in most situations, I overdid it… And now he’s probably just annoyed with me. Who knows, he’ll probably feel some way about this post too. But it’s most likely safe to say that that’s over. Sooo. . . I’m  another nutty jawn. LoL … Actually a smart and super emotional young woman who cares a lot (read: “too much”), who’s working on finding the medium. No matter how cliche this sounds I AM HUMAN, I make mistakes and but I will find a balance while doing the things that are important to me.

I do this blogging thing for me. . . it helps ME. I only make it public because I know some people can relate. I feel dumb for A LOT (if not all) of the situations I’ve been in. I can make fun of myself though. But recent events and comments from people (not posted to the blog) are making it not fun for me anymore. Especially when I’m trying to elevate OTHER aspects of my life to where I can be really happy. I was truly surprised at all of the negative things people had to say when I put my blog on hold. Why were you all so angry with me?? It really wasn’t about a GUY, it was about ME! I want to figure out how to balance it all. Nothing to do with him (any of the “hims”), all about me. It just so happened that the thing that sparked my realization that I wasn’t having a good time with this anymore was a situation with a man over something I wrote. I want to be able to meet people and date without my blog being a factor. My friend said my blog is “like letting the guy you’re dating read your journal. It’s too much info for them”… it really is! Truest statement about my blog ever.

During my Hiatus (that REALLY didn’t last too long) I had a lot of conversations with people about my blog, I read their comments on my facebook wall, in my inbox, and on twitter. I got the text messages, emails and facechat messages. I responded to IMs and gchat messages. All of it! LoL, I LOVE that you all care so much! I appreciate it all. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make my reasons for putting the blog on pause clear to everyone, but I  tried. . . I hope you were able to understand. If you didn’t, then never mind cuz I’m BACK! LoL Thanks Everyone.

PLEASE LEAVE ALL COMMENTS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION, NOT FACEBOOK LOL! 🙂

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4 Comments

  1. I know I’m late to this post, but I’m glad to see you’re back.

  2. Great to have you back! If your blogging is therapeutic for you, then do it! Don’t care what anyone else thinks! Its a healthy way for you to vent without paying a life coach, counselor, etc.

  3. Dont worry, you arent the only person who has had a guy turn down a FREE home cooked meal lol. Just do you. I know its cliche’ to refer to the movie “He’s Just Not That into You” but if a guy acts like he doesnt give a shit, he genuinly doesnt give a shit. Just keep that in mind. I have posted a positive dating experience for once on my blog. check it out when you get a minute 🙂 and keep writing. I love it!

    http://missbrownsitc.blogspot.com/

    • I always appreciate your comments, but yours always go into my spam box because you post links. I always find them days/weeks later and have to approve them, lol! People can click on your name to get to your blog if you put in your comment to check your page out. 🙂


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