Where is the Middle?

I sabotage myself.

Every serious “relationship” I’ve been in has been heavily weighted on my shoulders. I’ve never had the equivalent of a fifty-fifty partnership… not even 40-60, which I may have settled for at one point.

And now, I find myself wanting give up before giving a chance. I don’t expect a man to do anything for me. Maybe I don’t even allow it, if there has actually been someone who wanted to recently. My past experiences won’t let me be able to depend on someone. I always say the only person who has ever helped me to do anything is my mother. And she’s a woman so…

It’s not the absence of my biological father or anything psychological. It’s my life’s experiences that makes me this way.

I’m just trying to find the middle.

I know that the next person I deal with on a serious level will have to be patient. And I will have to find my patience as well. Ugh! this may take a while. . . LoL

So my last post, even though it’s not NEARLY as bad as some that I’ve written before made me think about a few things after the back lash hit me. I find myself censoring, editing and taking down my blog posts lately because I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings or I didn’t like how certain people reacted to them.

I feel like, if I can’t take what I’m giving then maybe I shouldn’t speak at all. And someone’s response to what I wrote (not written as a comment on the blog, but on Twitter of all places) about him kinda hurt my feelings. So maybe I’m not as cold and heartless as I feel like I’m becoming after all! Nonetheless, I’m officially taking a BREAK from French Kissez for a bit. I’ll be back when I think of a new approach. I can’t please everyone, but I’m gonna find another way to go about writing this blog that makes me happy. Maybe I’ll decide to keep going at it like I have been. I’m going to think about it though.

Here’s to my hiatus! Talk to you guys later! Thanks for the love. I’ll be back. ::in my Terminator voice::

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4 Comments

  1. yo fuck that…if a nigga want to go to war and post shit on twitter…then put him on blast ON TWITTER! i mean that shit! you are a rep for the people on this blog rather you like it or not, mostly women, and if you concede now you are not only letting that bitch ass nigga run you, but you are also letting down the women that you are unknowingly empowering with this blog. alot of the issues you bring up are things that NEED to be discussed. especially in OUR community of people. yes im upset cause i know you, and ive always known you to stand up for yourself, especially in the face of people who have done or are trying to do wrong by you. i wish i knew these whack ass dudes giving you problems…i really want to fight these bitchasses!

    to the bitchass niggas:
    “we will find you…and when we do we will rid the world of you!” -Diddy. you are making the relationship between black men and black women even worse with your emotional ass episodes. get a fucking backbone!

    This comment is all out of love Frenchy…im hurt cause i actually read this blog, probably as much as i do my own! lol but do what you must…we all love you!

    Smilez out!

  2. Damn son…I’m tryna get me a rap deal like yesterday!!! Lmao!

  3. Sorry…if they can’t stand the heat, then their punk asses don’t eat…cause its hot in the kitchen. If you decide to stop cooking then you deserve to starve too :-/

  4. I liike what you write and I will miss you while your on your hiatus. You let me see that it’s not just me. I guess I see your next post soon…I hope.


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