When You Go Looking, Trouble Will Find You

It’s been a a few posts since I shared one of my dating disasters with you all! I haven’t run out of stories, they’re just getting harder to tell. Some situations I’ve been in are weird for me to share because they’re so personal. But I love the support and every time I tell you all something there’s always at least one person who comments that they can relate or they’ve been there before. I love it. It makes me feel like okay I’m not the only one around here who’s fallen for the “okie doke” ! LoL So here goes. . .

When I was in my last real relationship I knew he was cheating on me. I couldn’t prove it, but I felt it. People (women included, but mostly men) don’t seem to realize that they are creatures of habit. When your patterns start to change because you’re making space in your life and daily activities for someone else it’s noticeable! I’m very observant and attentive. So I always know when something is different. I usually wouldn’t confront him, or ask him directly if he was creeping because it always lead to fights that I didn’t want to engage in, and I had no proof right? But just to let him know I wasn’t stupid, I would always make statements letting him know I knew he was lying and that where he said he was going or what he said he was doing wasn’t really believable. That’s stupid on my part. I should’ve just left him. I don’t really know why I didn’t. Maybe it was the “security” he used to promise me. Anyway, that’s not even what this story is about. Maybe I’ll analyze why I’ve stayed in situations that I knew were no good for me in another post.

He worked for the army. He is in the army. Around my birthday he was getting ready to go away on an extended trip for work. He’d be gone for three weeks. Both of us knew our relationship was already on shaky ground and weren’t sure if it could survive being apart for that long. We promised to both try and I planned on keeping my promise. He was still around for my birthday, but said he was so busy with work and preparing for his trip that he wasn’t going to make it to dinner. So I called up my bestie and “Friend” (remember “Friend”? No, well click here) and the three of us went to dinner together and had a great time. I was disappointed but I tried not to stress it, since we were trying to take it easy. He did make it out to my other birthday shenanigans during the week so that made up for it. Even the night before his trip, when he had to get up super early for his flight he still surprised me by showing up at my party. I felt super loved! Maybe we would make it after all, he was showing effort.

He called me to let me know he’d gotten there safely, we spoke briefly because he said he had workshops all day. Fine that’s what he was there for, plus he promised he’d call me later. After a week of not being able to talk to him on the phone, and sporadic texts here and there, mostly when he wanted me to go past his house and check for some mail, etc I started getting frustrated. What was going on with him?? Why couldn’t he call even before he was going to bed at night?? When he did pick up his phone he would rush me off. This was unusual coming from a man who would normally call me several times a day for no reason at all and text me in between. His patterns were changing. He’d never call me from inside his room, he claimed he didn’t want to disturb his coworker he was sharing the room with.

So with all this suspicious activity, I decided I wasn’t calling him until he called me. And he didn’t call. One day my phone broke (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it), and I knew he had his old phone at his house. We were both on the same service provider so I figured I could borrow his and switch the sim cards. I went to his house and took his phone from his top drawer. He’s just stopped using it a few days before he left. I got to my house and the first thing I did… because I couldn’t resist, was go through it. Who the hell told me to do that?! What I found made my heart start to RACE! There were pictures of some woman’s vagina staring back at me, immediately. Him asking another woman for some booty pictures. Some texts to a stripper who apparently gave him and his boys lap dances regularly. Plans to meet up with this woman who was his best friend’s (a female) sister while he was away. He was supposedly flying her out there to stay with him while the conference was taking place.

I couldn’t believe the shit I was seeing! It seriously hurt my heart. I text him to let him know I “borrowed” his phone. Wouldn’t you know he found a way to call me IMMEDIATELY! He had a million questions as to why I needed to use his phone, and I’m sure it was because he knew what I’d find. He knew I would find the texts to the stripper he was apparently with on my birthday and all the naked pictures of these random women, and the sex he was talking about with women who were not me. . . He knew he’d be caught. He said “go ahead and borrow it, but you can’t be mad at me for anything you see in there, cuz no one told you to use my phone” WTF?! Is this man serious?? I ask him “So what will I find in there?” He says “Tiffany I’m telling you not to go through it. Whatever you find is your own fault” … my own fault? really?

I wonder why people who get caught doing dirty stuff because of their significant others snooping think that that’s an automatic pass on whatever they’ve done. Snooping is not the equivalent of cheating. Yes, I went looking for trouble and I found it. I may have unintentionally (or maybe intentionally) invaded his space but that does NOT cancel out his betrayal that I uncovered while doing so. It doesn’t make it any less wrong that he was talking about doing things with these women while we were in a relationship.  Maybe I shouldn’t have looked through the phone. But what if I hadn’t??

I’m not a complete fool, I knew that him abruptly decreasing the nights we stayed together meant something was going on. It was a complete pattern shift…. Although that alone didn’t mean he was cheating on me, it gave me grounds for suspicion. And my intuition was correct. I just needed the proof. I wasn’t happy to find what I did, but it gave me faith in my own feelings. Some kind of weird validation.  We broke up when he got back. After much argument and him making excuses for himself. I heard him out but what he was telling me were more lies. Why try to work it out when he disrespected our relationship on that level? I don’t know. Funny thing is he now has a child that was conceived on that trip! But it wasn’t even with that chick from his phone that he was supposed to be meeting down there… LoL.

This story is a lot longer but I’ve left out a few parts of the saga in the sake of trying to keep it short.

But tell me what you think…



  1. I went thru something silimar..but that’s crazy I think thats the guys motto..wtf…

  2. Wow, I feel like there are a few morals to your misfortune. I guess one could be always listen to your inner instincts, or as oprah has said listen to you fear. When you do that you end up protecting yourself, so I say to you. Good thing you did listen to yourself and investigated the truth and got out of that relationship. But I am dying to know about this baby?! Can’t wait for more

  3. WOW. Guys must share the same language because I got the same “dont be mad at what you see” when I found out my ex’s facebook password. A** holes.

  4. He makes me sick. I honestly want to fuck him up. My ex-asshole did the same thing. I can’t understand why they’re so freaking disgusting. They can’t be normal cheaters, with sneaky text messages here and there. They have to be fucking strippers, asking for booty pics, and jacking off to random vagina’s. Disgusting young men become disgusting old men…so the jokes on them.

  5. Wow! I haven’t been through this, but there is comfort in knowing that others go through crazy stuff just like I do. It’s not a “misery loves company” kind of thing, but more of a, “Pheeew! Maybe I’m NOT insane” thing.
    The whole baby thing…? Yeah, that’s crazy.
    Count your blessings!


    miss young

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