I Don’t Think I Even Care. . .

If it weren’t for my love of blogging about the crazy ish that goes on in my “un love” – life, I probably wouldn’t be dating anyone this year! So here goes the latest in my jacked up life.

In middle school I had this boyfriend… if you can call those on and off flings in that last for 2 week increments relationships. Whatever it was, I think I liked him the most. I’m 25 and I still find notes I wrote him, and little pieces of paper that I wrote his name on with a (heart) and my name under it.

I think I ended up breaking up with him because I wanted to date someone else… or who knows, it was probably something stupid. At 12 what do you really know about sustaining a romantic relationship? Who knew he’d grow up to be sexy as hell and BIG as ish?? I didn’t!

Facebook is my foe and my friend… frienemy. That’s how we got back in touch. Sooo, we’ve been “seeing” each other for a lil more than year I guess… only when I’m in NY. And by seeing each other I mean… uhmmm I dunno if you can call what we do “dating” (read between the lines). We’ve hung out with each other’s friends a couple of times too. At first he was still dealing with his recent break up with an older woman he was dating. She wasn’t a cougar or anything, just older than him and in a different place in her life. That was cool with me, I wasn’t trying to make him my man (yet). We were just getting reacquainted.

Lately I’ve been feeling weird about our lil set up. I decided to fall back from him. I can see his ex making comments on his FB page. Facebook has to be the number ONE reason people get caught doing the wrong things! Calling him baby and talking about things they went to before. When did they start seeing each other again?? I thought they were through and not speaking. At least that’s the impression I got from him the last time I asked him about their relationship with each other. She was immature according to him. Don’t men always feed you the bull when they wanna be in your pants? I know it, I’m not dumb.

I went home for Labor Day Weekend and I called him and told him to come hang out. I brought my friend up with me so I knew I’d have an excuse for why I didn’t want to go home with him later. “I can’t leave my friend!” even though I know she wouldn’t mind. My bff isn’t a blocker. I know I could’ve just been honest and checked him when the end of the night came and he was telling me there’s room for me in his bed. But I didn’t feel like going through it. He’s not my man. I have no reason to trip over someone I see only when I’m out of town maybe once or twice a month, or even every other month.

Again, I’m on Facebook yesterday (Sunday). I happened to go to his page and see his relationship status was changed on like Wednesday (less than a week after I’d seen him). So I sent him a message asking him about. Apparently he made a “rash decision” to “stop running” from feelings he’s had for her all along. Fine, that’s his prerogative. I’m not his girl. I just feel like he’s obviously been dealing with her again for a while now and trying to work it out. So why was he still trying to hook up with me?? I’M supposed to be the one in this thing who’s doing this for a purpose. I wouldn’t date anyone if it weren’t for this blogging thing! I’m only amused by the process of it now.

Anyway, my questions for you guys are:

1. When you’re on the market, if you’re seeing more than one person at once, and something gets serious with one of those people, how/when do you break the news to the other person?

2. Did you read my “No Backsies” blog? Why do we always seem to fall in love with our exes again? If we broke up for good reasons, why try to remember the good without the bad? It’s probably going to fail again…

3. How would you react if you were me? Would you care?



  1. 1. When you’re on the market, if you’re seeing more than one person at once, and something gets serious with one of those people, how/when do you break the news to the other person?

    Well, you all have an understanding. Almost contractual I’d dare to say. When the terms and conditions of tha t contract have been breeched or terminated then all parties understand it’s over. You just walk away and say I’m seeing someone and it’s getting kind of serious so I’m going to cut this off. Nuff said! Communicate!

    2. Did you read my “No Backsies” blog? Why do we always seem to fall in love with our exes again? If we broke up for good reasons, why try to remember the good without the bad? It’s probably going to fail again…

    Nah, didn’t read the “No Backsies” but it if you were in love with your ex and you all had a good thing you will always be reminded of that past. Sometimes you might want to try and patch things up because you know the area so well. Venturing in familiar territority is a comfort zone for most.

    3. How would you react if you were me? Would you care?

    If it’s a no strings attached situation then you have to walk away and say nothing at all. You win some and you lose some. But, if you all are just “gettin it in” every now and again nothing major. What did you really lose?! Play the field but the general and not the solider.

  2. not going in…just tryin to be helpful….call me a bad guy gone good. ive been a rotten dude in the past…and i cant change that…but what i can do is try to help ladies now and in the future from being hurt by guys that act just like i used to. so thats my plan…one comment at a time! lol

  3. Ha…men going in!

  4. SMH…girls are so silly! fist to comment about the 1st comment…you should want to ask him just so you can keep yourself safe first and foremost…but if you are going to talk to him because you heard he was up on some girl then keep that shit to yourself. keep it on that level you have it at…you should have set the boundaries at the beginning. its like spades, you cant change the rules in the middle of the game…you jsut keep playing the way you set off at the beginning…dont start talking about feelings and all that shit…you are in a “no strings attached” situation so there shouldnt be any talk about strings (feelings). if you like the situation, talking about feelings is a quick way to have it all end suddenly. now if you are concerned for your safety then hit him up and be real. tell the truth. your girl saw him chilling with some jawn and for your own safety you want to know if they fucking. cause you still want to fuck, but you just want to take the proper precautions if he is fucking someone else. trust me, he will respect the shit out of you for being honest and so up front. if the tables were turned that is probably how he would do it too. if you guys are friends its shouldnt be that hard. if you are just fuck buddys you may be in a lose lose if you bring it up. what makes the “no string attached” situation the shit to us guys is that there are NO STRINGS ATTACHED…if we are just fucking, and we arent friends, then we expect to have no questions asked about what we do in our personal life that arent along the lines that we set when the situation started. now…thats from a males prospective, the one that counts in the situation you are in! lol

    now to MS. Kissez,

    1) you break the news to the unserious person when a title is being placed on it. but it also depends on how serious the guy is trying to be. could be that one jawn may be just the FB and the other jawn he like going out on dates with as well as fucking. hes more serious with one than the other, but hes still fucking both. now if he is falling for one, and want to make her exclusive, then at that moment is when the other jawn is told. thing is, the unserious girl never sets any rules up at the beginning, so sometimes she can just get shade from the guy and he just stops talking to her, or the girl did set rules but her rules are so lax that he feels he can have his cake and eat it too (but trust that always ends up in a lose lose for him cause eventually one of the girls always finds out)… bottom line though, you have to be strong of a woman enough to put your feelings aside and look out for yourself…you started in a “no strings attached” situation so deal with it as it is, not as you see or want it to be. as to how, most guys liek to take the straight up approach if the situation is serious enough. Andre 3000 said “So I typed a text to this girl I used to see/ Sayin’ that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be/ And I apologize if this message gets you down/ Then I CC’ed every girl that I’d see-see ’round town” thats usually how it goes…in fact that whole verse answers your question! lol

    2) at the end of a relationship, especially the ones that ended on good and mutual reasons and arent hostile, life goes on and you change, so you assume that the other person does change as well…in some cases that true, especially the “we dated in high school but now we grown” situations. but when you are talking about situations that started and ended between two grown folks that have kinda started getting stuck in their ways, its not going to change…and you have to realize that. love or no love…thats where the mind and the heart have to have a convo…guys are naturally curious and are always going to try to see whats good…especially if the sex was good. lol thats like one of the first good memories we have about an ex we havent talk to in a while but happens to show back up. between two grown folk, yea it will probably fail again, but in the case of the old young love and the new old love…that might work…you never know.

    3) you said “He’s not my man. I have no reason to trip over someone I see only when I’m out of town maybe once or twice a month, or even every other month.” and that should tell you right there how i feel. you arent his girl and your pussy does not entitle you to know what he decides to do with his heart and dick…a friendship might entitle you to know about the dick part, but because you arent his girl and you only see him when you go back home, you are not entitle to the courtesy of knowing what hes doing with his ex if he decides not to tell you. and note that if you bring it up just to bring it up, its the same as ending it!

    quote the real dude never more!

    Mr Smilez out! sorry so long!

    • I was with you through your entire comment up until #3!
      smdh. . .
      I agree I don’t care wth he does while I’m not in town. It’s great for him that he was able to work things out with his ex. BUT I am entitled to know when he starts the relationship.

  5. “My bff isn’t’t a blocker!” I love it!

    Sometimes I hate being a girl. When I read blogs like this one, I am tempted to respond with an entry of my own… Hmm…I think I may! (Re: I don’t think I even care…)

    But for now, I care for you! For me it would turn from being just “something to do” to being pissed based less on feeling and WAY more on pure principle. If you and him were “just kicking it” why did it take you going to his FB page to find out about the “sudden” change is status.

    When do boys turn into men? Ugh!


    miss young

  6. Wow! Another horror story lol. I am really trying NOT to join the NAS movement, but I’m slowly getting there lol. I have a “friend” who I see only when I have an itch that needs to be scratched. My homegirl spotted him in the club this past weekend looking lovey dovey with some chick. Now I realize that when you have a “friend” you dont catch feelings, and I havent. BUT I never really asked if he was in a relationship because I assumed he wasnt because of our “hangin out.” I also believe in karma and I dont want to be “dealing” with someone else’s man. So should I ask him about him being in a relationship? or should I just let it ride?

    • Yeah I think that there should be a mutual understanding between “friends”.
      There’s no reason to lie if there’s nothing more to the relationship. I think if he has a girlfriend you have the right to know. It should be your choice to choose to still deal with him if he does. I don’ advocate messing with someone else’s man. Like you said, karma may come back and get you! LoL

      Don’t let it ride. Ask him. Then decide for yourself what your next step will be. 🙂

      Hope that helped. Remember, I’m no relationship expert… I specialize in the DON’Ts LoL

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